A random visit to the park

 For many days my daughter was suggesting to go for a picnic to a local park and it was getting postponed due to one or the other reason.

I didn't know why a visit to a picnic spot always made me sad. Today I realised the reason behind this. I was sitting in the park and looked around, so many kids were happily running around, families were chatting, laughing, eating and having a fun time. It suddenly hit me hard that this sight of people having fun time with their family and friends makes me feel miserable as I don't have a big social circle or any extended family here in Sydney to go for a picnic. We are a family of four and only four of us go for any outing, shopping, travel etc and I always look at these huge groups of people having funtime and think we are so lonely, may be kids need to have a circle of friends to hang out or I need to socialise more to go for such get togethers more. I reached a point in life where if I need help I can't think of a person other than my husband or children whom I can call for help. I wonder how I reached in this situation. May be due to some wrong decisions in life brought me here.

I am just back from the picnic site and questioning all my decisions and thinking what went wrong. How everyone has someone to socialise with and I have no one, after living in this city for last 5 years and in this country for last 11 years. Something must be wrong with me. May be people don't like me, may be I don't like them. Maybe you can either have people in your life or your independence. Sometime I feel claustrophobic when I have people around me. But when I am alone I feel lonely.

In life you can't have best of both the worlds. Life is about choices. Life is all about choosing one or the other. You can't have both. May be people in those big groups wondering when can they have some alone time with their own partner and children. May be I am not realising the freedom I have. As someone rightly said, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

I hope someday I will have a small group of good friends whom I can call and arrange a picnic together without losing my freedom.

That's all for now.

Alisha ke dil se...